Bonktown

There comes an occasional time in the life of every road cyclist when things go bonk. The bonk doesn’t gently tap you on the shoulder from behind. It punches you in the face with such power, you swear you just absorbed the left hook of Mike Tyson — in a very bad mood. The bonk turns your climbing wheels into squares, your rear tire into a squishy instrument of torture, and your bike computer into a messenger of horror. Amazingly, this all happens in rapid succession, or simultaneously. Everything turns to you-know-what in a carbon fiber handcart faster than you can say “Epic Ride!”

The mind becomes mushy, the legs hollow. The arms tingle and the eyes sink into the back of the head. Breathing flutters. Songs on the iPod are intelligible noise. Things of which you normally monitor closely all now in disarray. If you’re riding in the mountains away from strip malls of the city when the bonk hits, you just crawl in survival mode on your finely tuned machine in your finest Italian cycling shoes. A shabby display of Epic-ness. An exhibition of self-destruction.

Here’s how it goes: First comes disregard for cadence. You tap out four halting pieces to each pedal revolution. Remember, you’re on square wheels. Then, heart rate data goes wacko. I mean, come on, these can’t be accurate numbers for my strong ticker! Damn you, Garmin! And speed? Yeah, sure. W-h-a-t i-s s-p-e-e-d? Meanwhile, in your right ear, the sounds of U2 might as well be Cher. You can’t hear the bloody music. You’re too busy looking for the next mom-and-pop country convenience store. Or maybe an abandoned sofa on the side of the road.

The out-of-body experience I just described is really something more. It’s an in-body reminder that road cycling remains one of life’s greatest opportunities to challenge yourself. Just when you think you’ve conquered the hors catégorie mountain on Saturday, an endless series of hills have their way three days later. The moment you deliver a new personal record in a time trial, you may find yourself dropped during an unexpected move in the next Saturday club ride. Being on a bike is to truly put yourself out there. Really get real. Taste some success. Accept failures. But never give up. Here is Garmin Connect data for my visit today to Bonktown.

Bonktown is when the world makes no sense -- until after the ride

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