The present

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Big Creek. The two words weighed on my mind for a year. So cruel and raw. In 2009, the tiny town nestled in the Sierras, forced me off the saddle and onto the pavement in my Sidi shoes. Click. Clop. Click. Clop. Click. Clop. I shuffled up the grade that hot day and asked for divine intervention to release my quadriceps from the grips of the worst cramping I’d ever experienced. No luck then. Only torture, wrapped with layers of painful memories. Just finishing became a victory marked by numerous near-defeats.

On Saturday, I had to set things right in the mountains northeast of Clovis, California. Although I didn’t know how it would go (you never do over 155 miles and 14,000 feet of climb), I did everything I could to stay in the present, never getting ahead of myself or regretting errors from the past. The goal was simple: Ride Climb to Kaiser and finish strong. In prior years, I’ve experienced difficulties up on Kaiser and down in the valley below ranging from heat, to lack of form, to general discomfort. This year, I promised myself things could be different. Leading up to the event, a conscious effort was made to prepare in heat. There were repeats on Palomar Mountain. I altered my diet and dropped weight. I rarely glimpsed the Pacific during my early season base miles–and even later–while pedaling longer days on the bike. The mind was reset. Changing perception and confronting reality drove training.

And here’s why: Kaiser has a way of seducing you. It’s effortless the first couple hours. Then bam, it’s nothing but severe effort until you hit the summit at 9,200 feet. Overcook it, and you will be boiled alive. As the first groups of riders drilled it on the flats right after our police escort at 5:30 a.m., I stayed back and stayed calm. Spinning and soft pedaling. Catching a draft or two. Waiting for the moment of truth when the mountain reveals itself. Tollhouse Grade was pleasant. I alternated between the 21-tooth and 24-tooth, with the 39-tooth on front. A few times, the 27-tooth was pressed into action when the incline hovered above 10 percent. “Save the legs,” a phantom voice whispered. “You’ll thank yourself later.” While climbing more to Shaver Lake, then descending to the left turn toward Big Creek, I recalled the searing memory of the first twinge of cramps from 2009. They served as a precursor then for the grim chapters that lay ahead. Would they return this year? No. Would I think about them again? No way. At the base of Big Creek, I snapped a photo, emptied my bottles, put the iPod on, and focused only on the road under my wheels. Mileage at this point was irrelevant. Percentage grade became absolutely meaningless. Heart rate was just a number. It was time to simplify and dig deep. A time to stay in the present.

A blend of Soul Cyclist and redemption seeker alternated between the saddle and standing. Ample wattage carried the rider up the grade, more empowered with each switchback. The body didn’t scream. The head remained calm. The breathing felt measured. The back was strong. The legs didn’t quiver. Upward the rider pushed on, transfixed by the moment and amazed by the natural beauty surrounding him. Indeed, things were now different. The trees looked greener. The pitch seemed flatter. The rider pushed down on the pedals harder. Just like that, Huntington Lake appeared. Big Creek was over. A quick refill of bottles, then up to Kaiser Pass. In the thinner air, the effort grew more difficult, but nothing like the horrors of 2009. The US flag waving at the summit never looked better. The cowbells clanged loudly. The can of Coke tasted sweeter than any before.

The descent bordered on magical. The rollers on Highway 168 did not assume the hallucinatory appearance of a Category 1 climb. Onward in the big ring, the rider pedaled, down past Auberry, into Prather and 90F+ heat. The worst was over. On the flats, things began to sink in. And yet, the rider continued, not allowing thoughts to wander. It was time to finish and erase the past from memory.

This time, the present won.

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